🍺🪜#475: Bars open later, escalators unrepaired, lots of crime

Finally an update on my quest for German citizenship

Mar 13, 2026

Artist Gunter Demnig laid a Stolperstein in front of our building Sunday. Photo: Sabine Heipl-Bulkeley

Hey 20 Percent!

I haven’t given an update on my bid to become a German citizen in six months because … nothing’s happened. But since it’s been six months it’s now time to file an Untätigkeitsklage (suit for inaction), wherein I sue the Berlin government for its inaction, further clogging up the wheels of government in hopes of unclogging them for me.

This could have easily been my third Untätigkeitsklage but I was unaware of them the other two times the Hauptstadt ghosted me. In effect, this is a revenge Untätigkeitsklage.

Maybe Germans aren’t passive-aggressive by nature. Maybe their culture forces them to be.

My citizenship updates will henceforth be Untätigkeitsklage updates — I just need to find a good lawyer first. A cottage industry has already sprung up with ambulance-chasing lawyers frothing at the mouth to once again make an unethical profit off the Berlin government’s inability to govern.

Have a good weekend!

Andrew

Many thanks to today’s sponsor, balcony and small-space gardener Easy Bee Berlin! and our new partner, Inner Circle.

Bars to stay open late(r)

For all of its inaction, it feels odd when the Berlin government finally does something. The senate introduced a bill Tuesday that will allow bars and restaurants to serve outside in popular areas until 11pm during the week, and midnight on weekends and ahead of holidays, according to RBB24. A 1970 law forbids it after 10pm currently. The bill should be passed by summer and comes after a resident lost a case trying to force the government to enforce outdoor closing hours on Kastastanienallee in P-Berg last summer. The bill will also simplify and unify the permitting process for bars and restaurants into a single office — would-be restaurateurs and barkeepers should be up and running within six weeks rather than several months once the law passes. If the government would only show as much interest in the housing shortage.

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No word on broken escalators

The government, via its Deutsche Bahn railway, also acted quickly to close 35 escalators at Hauptbahnhof, creating a new level of inaction since no one knows when they’ll be repaired, according to Tagesspiegel. The debacle is quickly becoming another BER, Hamburg concert house or the national embarrassment that is the Stuttgart 21 train station (delayed by at least nine years with an exploding budget). Cogs on the 20-year-old escalators have worn out, sparking them to fail and halt the escalators or, in one case at the train station, roll backwards. Finland’s Kone made the Rolltreppen (literally rolling stairs) but hasn’t been responsible for their maintenance since 2016. But it is now supplying replacement parts. Nobody seems to know when.

Scooter parking lots … in 2035

This next item is so laughable I’ll just get out of the way: Berlin has promised to create special zones for the return of rental scooters and bikes to keep them from clogging sidewalks, according to RBB24. But the 3,000 zones needed won’t be in place until 2035. TWENTY-THIRTY FIVE. I thought it was a typo the first time I read it. Most cities already have them — you just need a bit of paint and a sign. And before Berlin whines about costs and a lack of personnel, let me introduce you to the public-private partnership. The scooters pay no fee to use our streets and sidewalks even though they account for less than 1% of our traffic. Bolt and Lime should pay and do the work for at least half of the sites. Next week.

Weed = €€€

And though I’m the opposite of a neo-lib, the private sector does at least get things done, even when they like their dope: Canada’s Organigram will buy Berlin medical marijuana startup Sanity Group in a deal that values Sanity at €250 million. The Mitte-based startup has raised a total $135 million, according to Crunchbase, including millions from Organigram. Sanity Group’s investors include German pro footballer Mario Götze, model Stefanie Giesinger and überkiffer (a guy who smokes a lot) Snoop Dog, according to Tagesspiegel. Congrats on the exit, y’all!

🍺 🥨 Germany-wide news 🥨 🍺

🛬 Lufthansa stays aloft during strike, mostly

🏎️ Life is hard for VW and Porsche, mostly Porsche

🔌 German won’t be returning to nuclear power

Factoid

Shout out to the Last Generation protestor. I like your work. Photo: Stefan Mueller via CC.

The 2025 Berlin crime stats are in!

Overall crime fell 6.7% last year, the lowest leveal since COVID.
Gun crime is way, way up (68% to 1,119 firearm offenses, including 515 cases where shots were fired).
Homicides up 41% to 165 cases but 79 are linked to a murderous palliative doctor.
Sexual assault up 15% to 8,652 cases, partially due to an increase in child pornography cases sparked by international investigations.
Politically motivated crime (including homophobic attacks) rose 7.8% to 3,021 cases.
44.9% of all cases were solved.

Gardener for busy expats with small spaces. Relax in lush plants without the hard work of gardening. Enjoy peace and privacy in your own garden that strengthens you for life’s challenges. You might be: New parents looking for a kid & pet safe garden. First time buyers with a weed filled garden. Struggling to balance work/life & longing to relax in your own beautiful garden. People who find themselves with an empty balcony in a new home. Owner of an office full of dead plants!