#443: Görlitzer gate (again), office vacancies, DOKUMENTENAUSGABEBOX

You have to volunteer to become a bike cop

Nov 21, 2025

When the visitors are as aesthetic as the art.

Hey 20 Percent!

I give lots of advice, most of it worthless.

But I have one Germany survival tip that several people have thanked me for: long underwear. Every time the temperature drops to 0 degrees (or 32 for normal people), I put away the boxer shorts and bust out the underwear that goes down to my ankles.

And it’s helped me survive tram waits, Christmas markets and kids who need to slide JUST ONE MORE TIME 100 times.

You’re welcome. Have a good, warm weekend.

Andrew

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Document lockers because Datenschutz

Regardless of the temperatures outside or the time of day, you may soon be able to pick up personal documents from the Bürgeramt without an appointment — at any time. The Bürgeramt Reinickendorf (Berlin’s most forgotten Bezirk) Thursday debuted a new Dokumentenausgabebox (document locker) where you can pick up things you’ve orderd from the Bürgeramt like a new passport, driver’s license or police certificate of good conduct, according to the Morgenpost. Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg will apparently also soon introduce the Amazon-locker like devices. At first I was ecstatic at the advance but then I realized: They could just, you know, mail the things to you, like every other normal government. Except: DATENSCHUTZ.

Offices are a bad investment

The internal temperature of real estate investors is probably the same as the ambient air temperature (ergo, they’re snakes) so my advice will do them little good but commercial real estate is a problem in Berlin, according to rbb24. 8.2% of Berlin’s commercial real estate is vacant, an increase of 2.3% over last year. And things aren’t getting better: Agents were only able to sign new leases on 355,100 sqm of office space in the first nine months of the year, 20% below the same period a year earlier and a whopping 39% below the 10-year average. Still, don’t get your hopes up that offices will be converted to apartments: Commercial leases bring in an average €27 per sqm while flats just €18 (also offices can be difficult to convert because of water and electricity lines).

Guarding the guards

A handful of new security guards at Görlitzer Park patrolling in this weather should probably take my advice. Berlin has increased security at the contruction of a new fence around Görli after vandals stole a whole-ass metal revolving gate earlier this month, according to taz. The guards are often accompanied by dogs. Several park-goers have complained about the rent-a-cop’s aggressiveness (someone may have even been bitten by one of their dogs). A fence designed to guard a park and prevent crime now has to be guarded itself … and is leading to more crime. Welcome to Kreuzberg.

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🍺 🥨 Germany-wide news 🥨 🍺

😬 Pension problem threatens coalition

🚂 The disgrace that is the Stuttgart train station

👴 Lost Bach pieces performed for first time (Leipzig, y’all!)

Factoid

OK it’s an old picture but oddly satisfying for Berlin cops. Photo: Berlin cops

Berlin bike cops have written tickets worth €1.4 million so far this year, level with the same period a year earlier, according to the Morgenpost (paywall). Two-thirds of the 48,000 tickets (up from 28,700 in 2024) were given to car drivers (mostly for illegal parking) while cyclists pocketed just 11,000. E-scooter riders took home 1,900. Turns out, you have to volunteer for bike duty, which maybe explains why the bike unit has only been able to fill 52 of the 75 available positions.

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