#439: Ausländerbehörde knows it sucks, an imperial eagle, referendums
4 million Berliners by 2040.
Hey 20 Percent!
A news item today reminded me of the time I had to register my son’s birth with the authorities. After his birth (in 2004!), I set off to the Pankow town hall — a red brick monster across the street from a shopping mall and presiding over a busy intersection that distracts from its elegance.
I passed through the towering Rathaus into an East German office building with hallways so long they seemed to end on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. I found a door that said “Registration”, knocked and entered (yes, you used to just walk into Bürgeramts and get things done right away).
“What’s the last name?” the lady behind the counter asked. “Bulkeley,” I said.
She told me I was in the wrong office — it was like No. 2 — and that I needed to go to, say, No. 17. I exited the office and then hiked down the hall to office No. 17. I knocked and entered.
The same woman was standing behind that counter.
“How can I help you?” she asked with no sense of irony or recognition. I looked to my right and discovered that she was standing behind the same counter. It stretched the length of the hallway I’d just walked down and the doors I had passed opened onto the counter.
She had tracked my movement down the hallway by walking behind the counter. Each door appeared to correspond to a row of filing cabinets behind the woman, not an individual office.
I was in a live Monty Python skit.
I then registered my son without problem. People only exist in Germany once the government says they do.
Have a good weekend y’all!
Andrew
PS: I’m doing my German one man show Aus Versehen Deutsch for possibly a last time in Berlin Nov. 13 at Downstairs Comedy Club. If you want to practice your German, come on out. I love the club and I’m looking forward to the event! Tickets here.
PPS: Many thanks to today’s sponsor, freelancer service provider Goose! More from them below.
No appointments for you!
Tell us something we don’t know: The head of the Landesamt für Einwanderung (LEA) — ergo, the Ausländerbehörde — said it’s true some people receive no response when asking for a much-needed appointment, according to RBB24. Never mind the existential stress the ineffective agency causes many of us. They’re trying, says Engelhard Mazanke, the agency head. Gradual digitalization and an increase in employees means the agency can help more people — it will have about 545,000 interactions with us foreigners this year, a 10% increase over 2024 and 72% more than in 2020, and leading to a 10% increase in residence permits and naturalizations. The LEA now has 846 employees, up from 533 in 2021. Maybe one of them will finally respond to your email.
No eagle for you!
And here’s the news item, in which everyone seems to lose. A copper remake of an eagle on a globe that once topped the aforementioned Pankow Rathaus will remain at its artist’s studio in Grünau after Pankow said it was unable to pay storage fees that had accrued since the eagle was supposed to be picked up in the fall of 1989, according to Tagesspiegel (paywall). The Reichsadler, or imperial eagle (from the 2nd not 3rd Reich), was removed after the war when the occupying Red Army weren’t so discerning on which German Empire things represented. Pankow ordered the remake in the ‘80s from artist Achim Kühn and never picked it up. Trivial, but it’s interesting how reunification and historical preservation are still clashing in the capital city.
Ok, maybe more referendums for you!
At first I was like, wow, our insurance salesman mayor (Kai Wegner, CDU) may finally have a good idea. He wants to make it easier for citizens to vote on issues affecting the ctiy-state in referendums, according to taz. But then you find out why: So he can more quickly force a new referendum on building housing on Tempelhofer Feld and likely stuff millions in his buddies’ pockets. Referendums now require signature collection and campaigning, which takes about two years. But a Hamburg law, which Wegner wants to copy, allows politicians to launch a referendum with a 2/3 majority. Both Munich and Hamburg have used the law to ask voters whether they want to bring the Olympics to their cities (Munich said yes last month and Hamburg will vote in May). I’m all for more democracy but couldn’t be more against building on Tempelhof.
🥇Don’t miss the first 20% Berlin News Quiz next Wednesday. Maurice, the pedantic German that he is, will be quizzing you over whether you’ve been reading this newsletter carefully. It’s free. Sign up here.
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Factoid
Berlin will cross the threshold to 4 million people in 2040, an increase of 109,000 people, or 2.8%, over last year. The population will grow in eight boroughs, led by Treptow-Köpenick, while it will decline in four as old people die, led by Steglitz-Zehlendorf, according to RBB24. Berlin had around 4.4 million people at its population peak, just before or during WWII, though official figures at the time are wonky for obvious reasons.
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Wow, the registration part with the wrong office number. So German. Sorry, I don't know whether to laugh or cry!