#425: A bomb in Mitte, rising subway prices, falling crime in the subway
Plus: Maybe I don't want to be German after all
Dear 20 Percent,
After writing last Friday’s newsletter I sat down to file my application for German citizenship. I had all the documents. I had read all the advice. I was more than prepared.
And like any interaction with Berlin bureaucrats, I was contemplating several felonies after just a few minutes. The digital application is more frustrating and flawed than your ex.
It wanted two documents proving my German-language abilities (I have to take TWO German tests?). It demanded a business registration even though I don’t need one. And it didn’t ask for the Einbürgerungstest (31 out of 33 correct) that I drove an hour-and-a-half to Neubrandenburg to get.
And you can’t submit the application unless you upload a pdf for these unnecessary categories so I just uploaded my Einbürgerungstest pdf under the second language requirement and my proof of no tax liability (Steuerunbedenklichkeitsbescheinigung) again for the business registration (the tax liability document says I’ve been collecting sales tax for them since 2002!).
Satisfied that I’d satisfied the Beamtencomputer, I pushed ‘submit’. Great, it said, now please upload all those same documents for your wife.
What? Nowhere does it say it needs those and she’s just a witness to this whole thing. She has no real effect on my application — plus, she’s German, so she’s more the German state’s problem than mine.
I just wrote up a quick pdf saying that and uploaded it in place of all the documents. I’m still confused.
It’s nice to see that as Berlin moves into the digital age, they’re taking their incompetence with them. It would have been easier to have actually sent in (faxed?) all the documents than to have used that inane digital interface.
It was as helpful as the Ausländerbehörde itself. I’ll keep you updated on the process.
As always, enjoy the weekend! It’s supposed to be the final summer-like one.
Andrew
WWII bomb(s)
You know who was also apparently incompetent? Allied bombmakers in the ‘40s. About 10,000 Mitte residents had to spend the night elsewhere after industrial divers discovered an unexploded incendiary bomb in the Spree near Fischerinsel (near the locks near Jannowitzbrücke), according to T-Online. The U2, where they filmed my Subway Takes, was even stopped temporarily. The bomb was deemed to pose no threat and residents allowed to return. Meanwhile in Spandau, 12,400 people had to be evacuated as well as a hospital, several schools and two daycares (according to RBB24) as officials defuse a Russian dud on Friday. I always feel like defense companies owe my grandparents a refund every time Germans find one of these things. It’s a wonder the Allies even won the war with such faulty equipment.
Maybe Uber is cheaper?
Oh, frustrating incompetence you say? Public transportation tickets in Berlin will go up on January 1. A single AB ticket will increase to €4 from €3.80 while a four-trip discount AB ticket will cost €12.40 instead of €11.60. A short trip will rise €0.20 to €2.80, which is about what it feels like a normal ticket should cost. If you haven’t already heard, the genius move that was the Deutschlandticket will rise to €63 January 1 from €53 now (we can tell our grandkids about when it was just €9). Also important for those outside the ring — there will be no more BC ticket. Just the ABC. The public transport chiefs blame inflation for the increases … as they contribute to inflation.
Stop punching people just because
How about violent incompetence? Because I’m still horrified by the Berlin cop who just randomly punched an Irish pro-Palestinian protestor in the face three times — a different Berlin cop has been charged with punching a 46-year-old refugee up to seven times in the face in 2022, according to RBB24. The officer and a partner were called to a refugee shelter in Neukölln and ordered one of the residents to exit his room. When he refused, the officers pulled him into the hall and then one punched him for no reason, fracturing several bones in his face. I can only hope it’s just one in a series of charges Berlin officers face for police brutality.
🍺 🥨 Germany-wide news 🥨 🍺
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👮🏽♀️ UK still eyeing German national in McCann case
🏢 Merz’ controversial tears at Synagogue opening
Factoid
Crime fell 17.2% in BVG facilities in the first half of 2025 after the public transport provider increased the number of dedicated security and cleaning teams in its stations, according to Tagesspiegel. The stats haven’t been this low in the past 10 years. The total number of crimes fell to 6,460 in the first six months of the year including 98 attacks on BVG personnel, down from 165 in the same period a year earlier. In addition to the increased personnel, BVG said it’s also using smart cameras in stations that can more quickly identify crimes. And body cameras on security personnel apparently also help to de-escalate.
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When I bought my new bike to avoid public transport, I didn’t expect it to pay for itself this quickly…
I had the exact same experience when submitting my citizenship application. The site wanted a Prüfungsbericht (which takes lots of paperwork, weeks of waiting, and costs hundreds of Euros) for my wife as well as for me.
So I contacted the LEA because nothing about that requirement was in the public documentation. They told me to contact Willkommenszentrum Berlin. They had never heard of such a requirement, and basically told me to just upload a PDF of a personal note stating that I will provide such a report if absolutely necessary but that it doesn’t seem to be officially required.
Even the UX of this process has been Kafkaesque.