#409: Brandenburg racism, acquittal in Trump trial, recycling cannabis
Is illegal parking even illegal?
Hey 20 Percent!
I’ve always secretly thought I knew why so few of you learn German despite living here for years. I mean, really learn German. It’s because you like living in Berlin, where the lingua franca is English, but not really Germany, where the lingua franca is German.
The reasons for the German-skepticism are detailed every week in this newsletter.
As I learned in my college linguistics course, language learning has a cultural component — you need to identify with the culture behind the language to get your subconscious on-board. I learned German easily because pretentious 16-year-old me made it part of my identity (also I was 16).
But it’s difficult to make German part of your identity as an adult expat/immigrant when it’s mostly used to berate you for not bringing all the right documents or for placing plastic in the Restmüll. Even “Hallo” is often used as an expletive here.
I thought of this this morning as I breakfasted in a Bavarian bakery where the woman behind the counter (Bäckereifachverkäuferin) was so friendly that I thought we should import her to Berlin: the line of grateful shoppers would rival that of Berghain/Mustafa’s.
“I wish I could buy my Brötchen here every day,” I thought. I’d want to learn her language.
Have a good, rainy CSD!
Andrew
Same racism, different year
A sixth-grade class from Kreuzberg faced constant racist insults during a five-day class trip in Mecklenburg Western Pomerania last week, according to RBB24. Two classes from Brandenburg were staying in the same youth hostel and repeatedly hurled racist epithets at the Berlin students, 80% of whom come from immigrant families. Teachers from the Berlin schools approached their Brandenburg colleagues, who were both helpful and dismissive. Two years ago Kreuzberg tenth-graders needed a police escort to escape a Brandenburg vacation camp after racist insults and threats from a group of young locals. 😡😡😡
Recycle weed every day
A logistics company dropped off a pallet with 88kg of marijuana at a recycling yard in Gradestraße Thursday, according to T-Online, almost enough to fuel Görlitzer Park for a day. Berliner Stadtreinigung (BSR) employees disovered the contraband in individual plastic bags after the pallets had been unloaded. Police are now investigating — especially since it was the second pallet to-be-recycled with over 80kgs of dope this week. Was it a foreign logistics company? Even amateur Germans know it belongs in the brown compost bin.
Wegner clicking the Klarna button
We’ve written a lot about Berlin’s budget cuts so it’s odd that the city-state this week unveiled a record budget for 2026 and 2027 of €43.6 billion per year, up from €40 billion for 2024/2025, according to taz. Surprising until you realize Berlin will elect a new government in September 2026 and our guy Kai (Wegner, CDU mayor), wants to keep his job. However, Berlin only expects to bring in €38.5b and €39.6b, respectively. The current German government has made it easier to borrow so that’s what Berlin’s doing.
Comedian was (gasp) kidding
A Berlin court Wednesday rightly acquitted Berlin satirist El Hotzo of public disorder after a Twitter post related to the 2024 assassination attempt on US President Donald Trump. Sebastian Hotz (his real name) just said what we were all thinking when he quipped: “Last bus <->Assasination attempt: Both unfortunately missed”. The judge said the post was clearly ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ satire. Local public broadcaster RBB wrongly fired (😡) El Hotzo as a show host following the tweet because they’re dumb.
🍺 🥨 Germany-wide news 🥨 🍺
👷🏽♀️ Under-the-table economy at 10-year high
✈️ Germany deporting Iraqis, Afghans
🔊 The best German club is in … checks notes … Wuppertal?
Factoid
One thing I learned while driving in Berlin: Park wherever you want, you might get a ticket but you won’t get towed. Berlin towed 10% fewer cars last year than in 2023, often because tow trucks got stuck in traffic (undoubtedly because of double-parking), according to Tagesspiegel. Just 30,328 cars were towed Berlin-wide last year, down from 36,002 in 2023. Mitte towed the most, accounting for one-fifth of the cars, while Charlottenburg-Wilmersdorf came in second. Side note: Most cars aren’t towed to a central impound yard, they’re just relocated to a nearby free parking spot so owners can retrieve them with little trouble.
When my spouse and I moved to our new home in the suburbs of Austin, TX many years ago, our next door neighbor showed up at our door to introduce themselves and give us cookies.
Fast forward to last year, when we moved into a new apartment here in Köpenick. On the very first day, our landlord called to chastise me about leaving boxes stacked up next to the recycle bin. (Something I knew nothing about because it had been done by the IKEA kitchen installers. )Then my middle-aged neighbor dragged me over to the bins to give me a lesson on how to properly sort my trash.
"Sigh... welcome to Deutschland", I thought.
On the topic of illegal parking, please suggest that people report it to authorities, like the Ordnungsamt or using weg.li. Many times the cars are also putting pedestrians and cyclists in danger